So...if you hadn't guessed by the title (the big words above these,) I was reading the classified ads this morning, and started giggling uncontrollably. Why? Well, aside from the fact that it may have been an allergic reaction to newsprint, these things are funny. Not just the (insert gender) seeking (insert gender or species) personal ads, which I don't have the time to go into, but the job listings.

We all know (or if we don't, we're stupid, so mail me all of your money) by now that all of these WORK FROM HOME STUFFING ENVELOPES AND SNIFFING GLUE! YOU WILL MAKE $387.43 PER HOUR AND SOON APPEAR ON MTV CRIBS IN YOUR BENTLEY! ads are a bit...shall we say, false. I'm noticing a new trend now. Bilingual customer service, retail people, and telemarketers needed. All promising to pay top dollar. Some may see this as a legitimate ad, seeing that we live in a country where we have a large number of immigrants from all over the world. The tip off is this - most of these ads don't list the company that is hiring. They "recruit" for said company.

So...still haven't explained why I was giggling, have I? Did I ever mention I'm easily distracted by shiny objects? Mmmmmmmm.....shiny. Anyway, while most of these ads specify which language they desire you to be fluent in (in my opinion, there are plenty of Americans who were raised speaking English that aren't necessarily fluent in English yet, but that's for another rant,) this particular ad only requested that you be bilingual. If anyone in my worldwide audience of 3 people, most of whom are reading because we are related and you feel it's an obligation, knows Klingon or some other useless language (French comes to mind,) I would pay you to set up an interview. By pay you, I mean not pay you, because while I'm always willing to contribute to a good joke, I'm usually the one to come up with witty things to write on people who are passed out, not hand out money. Go get a job, you hippies.