Friday, October 31, 2008


Happy Halloween!

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. I've still got some minor (major) costume pieces to pick up for the party tonight, which should keep me pretty busy today between work/errands/stuff to be done around the house.

Hope everyone has a great weekend, and don't do anything I wouldn't do...yeah, you've still got a lot of options.

JT out.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


A Moment of Silence...

I would like to take a moment of silence here on Spork Nation. The founder of one of the greatest hamburger joints in South Carolina passed away on Wednesday. I know a lot of people who are readers here won't have the slightest clue about this place, but it has some of the best burgers you can get in a fast-food environment.

To put it in perspective, I used to live about a quarter of a mile behind a Rush's, and I easily gained 15-20 pounds in the three months that I lived there. Every time I had plans to go grocery shopping, I would change my mind and wheel into the drive-thru to get a Double Cheeseburger basket, or if I was spending the evening alone, a Chili Cheeseburger basket.

I know Rush's will still exist, and I know it won't change the menu, but I just wanted to say "thanks" to a man who may drive me to an early grave with his delicious food.

JT out.


Contest Results and Quick Update

Just wanted to let y'all know that I did select a winner on the drink recipes contest. It was Noah, with his recipe that I later found out is called "Christmas Candy."

2/3 part E&J Cask and creme Chocolate Temptation
1/3 part svedka raspberry

Also, sorry for the lack of posts. I'm running myself ragged between my two jobs and planning for a Halloween party. The posting will resume soon. Maybe tonight after the Halloween Beer Tasting I'm running.

JT out.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Recipe Contest Numero Dos

Back in April, I had my first recipe contest. My good friend Avril won, and I'm somewhat ashamed to say that I haven't actually tried the recipe yet. It's mainly due to the fact that I want to cook it and have Avril and her husband over for dinner, and our schedules are all absolutely batshit insane. If the opportunity presents itself, I will do it.

Here's the second contest, inspired by my girlfriend who has caught a nasty cold and feels like a bucket of monkey poo. I wanted to make a warm, relaxing drink for her, but I was tired of the usual: Irish Coffee, peppermint schnapps in hot chocolate, apple cider with rum, etc. I went with a new recipe I concocted, but wanted some additional ideas. I'm looking for some great winter drink recipes, alcoholic or non-alcoholic (although I think we all know which ones I'll favor the most.) I'll leave this up until Friday, normal posting schedule will resume next week.

Bring it, kids, I know you have it in you (I'm looking at you, Dr. Joel.)

JT out.

Monday, October 20, 2008



First, an apology for Friday's post. I'm not sorry that I sent that email, but I am sorry that I shared in venting my frustration with y'all. I normally just delete emails of that nature, but this was around the sixth or seventh moronic forward that I had gotten from this individual. I should note that I do not know this person, and have asked him multiple times to stop sending me emails.

Here is my policy on forwards: Do not send me forwards, unless they are funny enough to make me wet myself, or contain information that you took twelve seconds to verify on or any major news source. I have scolded my girlfriend, my mother, my sister, and my father on numerous occasions for flooding my inbox with nonsense. True, I was much nicer in my wording to them, but still.

After this individual sent me the same forward three times in one day, I kind of lost it. Also, I had been on my feet all day and most of Thursday night and was tired and more than a little bit drunk. I would have sent the email regardless, but I would not have found it amusing enough to post here if it wasn't for the mass quantities of beer, rum, and assorted other beverages that had flooded my liver that night.

Also - on the McCain/Palin comment, I was out of line. I know plenty of intelligent people that plan on voting for them in a few weeks. While I clearly do not agree, that crossed the line and I apologize to anyone I offended by that statement. THat was the rum talking.

Whew, I feel better. I've been regretting that post all weekend, but was out of town so I couldn't publish this until now.

Back tomorrow with more funny, less asshole.

JT out.

Friday, October 17, 2008


I Don't Mean to Be a Dick...

...but you leave me no choice, you fucking tool.

For realsies, kids...I hate any of you who are too fucking stupid to recognize a scam/attention getter. We're better than that, and you fucking know it. I'll spare you the borderline mongoloid email that some fucking retard fell for after over fifteen years of Nigerian scams and false Amber Alerts (for the love of Satan, kids, take two goddamn minutes and look at for any "Obama sleeps with racist midgets" forwards before you make me any fucking stupider than I am.)

This is what some fucking waste of human life sent me:

Sorry, I know how much everyone hates forwards...but if it works- who knows! :)> > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> >> THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USA TODAY - IT IS FOR> >> REAL> >>> >>> >>> >> To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages,> >>> >> But this is from my friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is> >>> >> an attorney.> >>> >>> >> If she says that this will work - It will work. After all,What> >> have> >>> >> you got to lose?> >>> >>> >> SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I'm an> >>> >> attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest> >> assured> >>> >> AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for> >>> >> fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar> >> to the one> >>> >> filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long a go.> >>> >>> >>> >> Dear Friends: Please do not take this for a junk letter.> >>> >> Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will> >> repent> >>> >> later .> >>> >>> >>> >> Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies> >>> >> and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the> >>> >>> >> most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an> >> e-mail> >>> >> beta test.> >>> >>> >>> >> When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will> >>> >> track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks> >>> >> time period.> >>> >>> >>> >> For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will> >> pay> >>> >> you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards> >> it on,> >>> >> Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that> >> receives> >>> >> it, You will be paid $241.00.. Within two weeks, Microsoft will> >> contact> >>> >> you for your address and then send you a check.> >>> >>> >>> >> Regards. Charles S Bailey Genera l Manager Field Oper ations> >>> >> 1-800-842-2332 Ext.. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX 292-1085> >>> >>> >>> >>> >> Thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks af ter receiving> >> this> >>> >> e-mail and for warding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my> >> address a nd> >>> >> within days, I received a check for $24, 800.00 . You need to> >> respond> >>> >> before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this, Bill> >> gates is the> >>> >> man.> >>> >>> >>> >> It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as> >> many> >>> >> people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10, 000.00> >>> >> We're not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test> >> without> >>> >> getting a little something for our time.. My brother's> >> girlfriend got in> >>> >> on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the> >> Baylor/UT> >>> >> game, she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4, 324.44> >> and> >>> >> was stamped 'Paid I n Full'.> >>> >>> >>> >> .> >>> >> let's get rich!!!!!!

Here is my response (and I truly emailed this out to the masses):

Here's a clue: Bill Gates? He has way better things to do than track my email. Also,the way things are, he will never pay me 18 kabillion just for falling for a lame prank. He's better than that, and so am I.

You, on the other hand, seem to suck. If you believe this is possible:(ie, some faceless God will cash you in on the payola,) suck it up. No...don't. Just die. Do the gene pool a favor and don't waste our time, you absolutely fucking waste of space. Go drown yourself. Maybe in a pool of acid.
Honestly, I'm suprised that some sort of mouth-breathing society could exist based on this..."intelligence."
Seriously...go choke yourselves on a pillow, you retards.

Die. Just fucking die. Do not pass "Go," as you cannot spell it. Just stop breathing. Please. If you don't, you may accidentally vote for McCain/Palin.

Really...just die. Maybe swallow your own shoe.

JT out.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


My week in a nutshell.

Work is still crazy busy, sorry.

Monday - Clemson fired Tommy Bowden. I know the news says he stepped down, but trust me, his ass was F-I-R-E-D. I am once again officially excited about Clemson football.

Tuesday - Woke up with a terrible hangover that was the result of celebrating Bowden's firing. Proceeded to work through the day wishing I was dead.

Today - Kicked ass at work, second best week I've ever had sales wise. Probably will wake up with a hangover tomorrow from celebrating this.

No, I'm not a smart man.

JT out.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


The Current Cabinet

Secretary of State: Caveman
Minister of Brown Coats: Johnny L
Secretary of Booze, Gambling and Prostitutes: the Cap'n
Director of Jailbait Affairs: Cargirl
Vice Undersecretary of Depressionomics: Maus
Secretary of Education: Hilbelink (she asked to be a speech writer, but since she is an educator, I fogured this might be more fitting...and she can still write my speeches.)

Everyone has until the end of the week (or before Monday) to apply for more positions...between work and CDP's Mix-Tape Trade, I'm too busy for posting.

JT out.

Monday, October 06, 2008


Looking for Cabinet Members...

I announced my bid for the President of The United States yesterday, with theCDP as my VP. He graciously accepted, and I think we have a killer ticket. I'm a gun-totin', beer-swillin' Son of the South, and he's an iPhone-toting, PBR-swilling Midwestern Hipster (his exact words.)

Between the two of us, we tie up a decent portion of the vote. That being said, I think it's time we start considering our Cabinet members. A few have already been called, but feel free to throw your hats in the ring for any openings.

Here are the ones already taken:

Secretary of State: Caveman
Minister of Brown Coats: Johnny L
Secretary of Booze, Gambling and Prostitutes: the Cap'n

As you can see, we'll be adding a few key positions to modernize the Cabinet a bit. Feel free to apply for existing positions or create your own.

JT out.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


Quick Reminder...

Sorry that I haven't had an update yet this week. I have assumed new responsibilities at work, which are great because it means an increase in pay, but which are causing unexpected headaches right now that are time-consuming. Next week should be better.

I try to keep this site fun, light-hearted and slightly tipsy, but I wanted to remind everyone that October 4th is the last day to register to vote in the upcoming elections. However, since the 4th is a Saturday, that means that this Friday, October 3rd, is the last day. That's two days away, kids.

So go register, and go cast your votes in November. Remember, if you don't vote, you have no right to bitch and moan when we invade the moon because we suspect that it harbors an Al-Qaeda training base and has weapons of mass destruction hidden on the Dark Side of the Moon. Only Pink Floyd knows what truly lies over there, and I suspect it's more along the lines of a massive LSD factory than anything else.

All joking aside, go vote. You need to practice voting so that when I run in 8 more years you can cast your vote for freedom, truth, and the American way. Also, none of this waiting around to see who my running mate will be. I'm going to go ahead and announce right now that I wish good internet friend, fellow blogger and accomplished author theCDP to run on my ticket for Vice President. Will he accept? Damn, I hope so.

Now I feel kind of like the guy who asks a chick to the prom in some massive public display and is waiting for an answer. Sure, he knows she's way out of his league, but he's showing confidence (aside from the massive pit stains and uncontrollably shaking hands,) so she has to say yes, right?

Spork Nation/CDP 2016*, y'all.

JT out.

*I was going to design a banner last night but decided to drink beer and fall asleep instead.

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