Friday, October 17, 2008


I Don't Mean to Be a Dick...

...but you leave me no choice, you fucking tool.

For realsies, kids...I hate any of you who are too fucking stupid to recognize a scam/attention getter. We're better than that, and you fucking know it. I'll spare you the borderline mongoloid email that some fucking retard fell for after over fifteen years of Nigerian scams and false Amber Alerts (for the love of Satan, kids, take two goddamn minutes and look at for any "Obama sleeps with racist midgets" forwards before you make me any fucking stupider than I am.)

This is what some fucking waste of human life sent me:

Sorry, I know how much everyone hates forwards...but if it works- who knows! :)> > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> >> THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USA TODAY - IT IS FOR> >> REAL> >>> >>> >>> >> To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages,> >>> >> But this is from my friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is> >>> >> an attorney.> >>> >>> >> If she says that this will work - It will work. After all,What> >> have> >>> >> you got to lose?> >>> >>> >> SORRY EVERYBODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I'm an> >>> >> attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest> >> assured> >>> >> AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for> >>> >> fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar> >> to the one> >>> >> filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long a go.> >>> >>> >>> >> Dear Friends: Please do not take this for a junk letter.> >>> >> Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will> >> repent> >>> >> later .> >>> >>> >>> >> Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies> >>> >> and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the> >>> >>> >> most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an> >> e-mail> >>> >> beta test.> >>> >>> >>> >> When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will> >>> >> track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks> >>> >> time period.> >>> >>> >>> >> For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will> >> pay> >>> >> you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards> >> it on,> >>> >> Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that> >> receives> >>> >> it, You will be paid $241.00.. Within two weeks, Microsoft will> >> contact> >>> >> you for your address and then send you a check.> >>> >>> >>> >> Regards. Charles S Bailey Genera l Manager Field Oper ations> >>> >> 1-800-842-2332 Ext.. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX 292-1085> >>> >>> >>> >>> >> Thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks af ter receiving> >> this> >>> >> e-mail and for warding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my> >> address a nd> >>> >> within days, I received a check for $24, 800.00 . You need to> >> respond> >>> >> before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this, Bill> >> gates is the> >>> >> man.> >>> >>> >>> >> It's all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as> >> many> >>> >> people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10, 000.00> >>> >> We're not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test> >> without> >>> >> getting a little something for our time.. My brother's> >> girlfriend got in> >>> >> on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the> >> Baylor/UT> >>> >> game, she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4, 324.44> >> and> >>> >> was stamped 'Paid I n Full'.> >>> >>> >>> >> .> >>> >> let's get rich!!!!!!

Here is my response (and I truly emailed this out to the masses):

Here's a clue: Bill Gates? He has way better things to do than track my email. Also,the way things are, he will never pay me 18 kabillion just for falling for a lame prank. He's better than that, and so am I.

You, on the other hand, seem to suck. If you believe this is possible:(ie, some faceless God will cash you in on the payola,) suck it up. No...don't. Just die. Do the gene pool a favor and don't waste our time, you absolutely fucking waste of space. Go drown yourself. Maybe in a pool of acid.
Honestly, I'm suprised that some sort of mouth-breathing society could exist based on this..."intelligence."
Seriously...go choke yourselves on a pillow, you retards.

Die. Just fucking die. Do not pass "Go," as you cannot spell it. Just stop breathing. Please. If you don't, you may accidentally vote for McCain/Palin.

Really...just die. Maybe swallow your own shoe.

JT out.

I used to get a lot of the same ones that started like:
"I'm sorry to email you like this, but my name is Jeff and I'm 'one of those internet guys'".

I always write back:
"Excuse me Jeff, but I am 'one of those internet guys' and I have never seen you at any of the meetings"
You mean I am not getting that money? Dammit!
Funny-I thought they did this same beta testing 5 years ago...That's a long damn beta test.

And yesterday, I received an email from the CIA (haha) seeking my expertise to catch terrorists.

Upon my completion of the mission, 2,000,000 USD will be deposited into my bank account.
I hope Clampson wins a football game soon so you can calm the hell down!!!
LOL- don't sugar-coat it, how do you really feel?

p.s. I got my check for $34,486 yesterday. You should see my new flatscreen.
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