Friday, September 21, 2007


Human Volcano!

First, a bit of backstory. I'm sure most of you know that I'm a bit of a stunt drinker from time to time.

My roommate had come up with this idea a while back, but we had yet to execute it. Finally, the night of Shawn and Katie's going away party, Shawn (aka Peckerpacker) insisted that I do it before he moved back to Cincinatti. Being a good friend and somewhat inebriated, I agreed.

I should also explain the sleeveless shirt. I don't go around rocking sleeveless tshirts on a regular basis, I swear. I know I live in South Carolina, but contrary to popular opinion, we're not a bunch of backwards hicks. We're a bunch of drunken, backward hicks. Actually, I had cut the sleeves off of this one for a white trash party a week or so before, and Shawn requested that I wear it in the video. Once again, being a good friend and somewhat inebriated, I agreed.

I should mention that there is cursing in this, so don't watch it with the sound way up if you are at work, daycare, school, church, synagogue, a mosque or are offended by cursing.

JT out.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007



My roommate and I were watching I Love 1972 on VH1 last week, and started to notice that a lot of the people providing commentary seemed a bit young to be waxing nostalgic about the year 1972. For instance, Michael Ian Black. He was born in August of 1971, which would make him just barely a year old by the end of 1972. In my mind, this means he probably does not possess any actual memories of 1972 pop culture. My earliest memory seems to be around age 3 or 4.

I was born in September of 1979. What do I recall about the pop culture of 1981? Not a damn thing. I was too busy attempting to master the art of not shitting in my pants to realize that MTV was being launched, or mourn Bob Marley's passing. I just wanted to use the big boy potty and get out of those diapers. Can I now reminisce about Thriller? Sure, but I can promise you that I don't recall actually hearing it before around 1986, a few years after it entered the charts. Man, I hated hearing that song...not because it's a bad song (it's not, I love that song now,) but because I saw the video at age six and the wolf howling at the beginning scared me. Yes, I was frightened by dancing zombies. Back then, I found Michael Jackson creepy for entirely different reasons than I do today...or maybe I was just an extraordinary judge of character at age 6.

All of this got me to thinking: when do most children really begin to retain memories? Do they fade with time? Will my earliest memory of eating chocolate ice cream at Hite's Dairy Bar fade into obscurity as I age? I decided to do a little research on the matter (read: I am making up everything after this point. I didn't do research in college, and I damn well won't start now.) Here's what I found out (made up):

Childhood Memory Retention (CMR) depends heavily on a number of factors, not the least of which is the exposure of said child to clowns. It is a scientifically proven fact (something that I just now made up) that the more exposure a child has to clowns, the earlier that child will start retaining memories. Also, before I go further, when I say "retaining memories," I don't mean language or motor skills, I remember things like your first kiss, or more importantly, your first taste of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Which brings me to an interesting story (I got tired of making things up and decided to switch subjects):

Brian, my boss at the Village Idiot, has started carrying PBR...kind of. He orders it, and there is PBR in our beer cooler, but I and I alone wield the power of who gets to drink it. It's not actually for sale to the general public. Unless I give someone the okay, no one but me drinks the PBR. So far, I have only allowed Melissa and E-rock (one of my co-workers) to partake in the PBR goodness. It really messes with people when they order a PBR and no one will sell it to them while it's clearly visible in the cooler, and I'm clearly drinking one at the end of the bar...while dancing to Thriller. Did I mention we play that song a lot?

Life is good, except for the whole getting hit by a dump truck thing.

Peeber (the cat, not the beer) update soon, Scout's Honor (I was never a Boy Scout, so take that with a grain of salt.)

JT out.


Damn. Damn Damn Damn.

Well, I had two ideas for a new post today, and got up extra early to start working on them, but on my way home from Melissa's this morning my car was rear ended by a dump truck. Needless to say, I'm getting a much later start to my day than anticipated. More tomorrow.

Oh yeah, and I'm fine, and the car is driveable.

JT out.

Thursday, September 13, 2007


Best. Present. Ever.

Have I mentioned how incredible Melissa is? She got me one of the coolest things I've ever seen. I've been wanting one for awhile, but just haven't had the extra cash laying around to spend on it. It's a turntable with USB outputs, meaning that I can digitize all of my old vinyl and burn it to CD or put it on my iPod.

I'm sure a lot of people my age wouldn't care so much about this, but I have a fairly extensive and somewhat rare record collection. I started grabbing up records at garage sales and flea markets when I was in high school, often buying records for a dollar each that I knew I could resell to collectors for fifty dollars or more. Pictured above is a rare Jimi Hendrix live album entitled Good Karma 1. It's on translucent green vinyl, and I have never seen it issued on cassette or CD. I also have Bob Dylan's Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid soundtrack with the original version of Knockin' on Heaven's Door. So, yes, I'm very excited. I also noticed while I was reading through the instructions that there is an input wher I can plug in a cassette player, meaning I can also digitize my ginourmous tape collection that has lived in my old closet at my parents' house for so long!

Unfortunately, due to working two jobs and trying to have something that vaguely resembles a social life, I haven't had much time to play with my new toy yet. I did manage to record and clean up Coltrane's Blue Train Tuesday night, and it sounds amazing. I just haven't broken the tracks out separately and converted them to mp3s yet. I'm hoping to have some time tomorrow during the day (I don't work Fridays on my day job) or Sunday afternoon. I'll keep everyone posted about how it goes!

Other than that, the air conditioner at my house stopped working yesterday, so I'm off to call and see if I can get someone out here to fix's too damn hot not to.

JT out.

Friday, September 07, 2007


FSU Fans Wear Jean Shorts

Well, as we all know, football season is upon us! I was lucky enough to attend Clemson's season opener against FSU. I saw the greatest tshirt ever, which read "FSU Fans Wear Jean Shorts." It was a thing of beauty.

My friend Aaron was kind enough to let Melissa and I crash at his house, which is just a short drive from Clemson. Aaron and I go back a few years and always have a good time drinking together...make that a great time drinking together. He was with me when I drunkenly taught several grade school kids how to do the Icky Shuffle last year. Aaron had "princess hats" left in his car from a kickball party,and it seemed silly not to put them on in his driveway. We quickly donned them in preparation for a night of drinking.

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I was an angry princess!

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Melissa looked stunning as usual, even in a goofy princess hat. Damn it all, I'm a lucky guy!

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With our host, drinking beers and being princesses! We wore these for a couple of hours while drinking in his driveway.

We decided that it would be a fairly tame night, as we planned to be out and about tailgating by 10AM (for an 8PM game...we're not smart people!) As luck would have it, we wound up going to a baseball game, drinking too much beer, then going out to meet Aaron's new girlfriend at the bar where she works. We didn't get to bed until about 3 AM.

Still, we were up and moving fairly early, arriving in Clemson before noon. My favorite white boy, Epat, was in town, and we had some catching up to do. He was smashed and it was 11:00 AM. It was crunch time. What did we do? We broke out the Boone's farm and cannonballed like there was no tomorrow. Did I mention that we're not smart people?

Five bottles empty, and it's not quite noon...we cannonballed through another 5 or 6 bottles before kickoff...not to mention the beer, Jagermesiter, and other assorted beverages.

The rest of the day was spent catching up with people I haven't seen since last football season, and introducing everyone to Melissa. She was a hit, but I knew she would be. She's amazing, and I'm a lucky guy.

Suddenly, it was game time.

The release of billions upon kazillions of balloons at the beginning of the game. Harmful to the environment? Perhaps? Still kicked ass and almost brought a tear to my eye? You bet.

Right before the game!

I don't know how many of you caught the game, but the first half was amazing. We could do no wrong. The third half was a bit of a train wreck, with FSU coming back to within 6 points. Luckily our defense decided to show back up and put an end to that! And so, Clemson wins another Bowden Bowl, and starts the season with an AP poll ranking of 25. I'll take it.

I wish there was more to write, but the afternoon was just full of bullshitting and drinking, no really crazy stories. There's always next week...

Until next time, enjoy the weekend, and Go Tigers!

Oh yeah...I turn 28 this weekend. Suckage. I'm getting old.

JT out.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


We miss you, Danny.

Aptly titled "Ford's Last Stand," I remember watching this game at nine years old when everyrone told us we didn't stand a chance against Major Harris and the West Virginia team. They were wrong, and this video proves it. I miss you, Danny Ford, and I sincerely believe that you would have led us to at least one more National Championship.

I'll post more on football and Clemson when I recover from Monday night...

JT out.

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