Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Happy St. Patirck's Day!

So, as everyone is probably aware, today is St. Patrick's Day. I'm sure everyone expects me to be decked out in green, already drunk. Sorry to disappoint, kids. I'm home in bed, still recovering from a nasty bug that hit me late Sunday night and hasn't lifted. Also, I'm sober.

Before I forget, here's the most important news of the day: Today is mine and Melissa's two-year anniversary. How exactly she has put up with me this long is anyone's guess, and the oddsmakers out in Vegas are surely losing tens, if not twenties, of dollars on the over/under.

And, speaking of gambling, my good buddy the Cap'n just called me. He won $520 last night on an illegal video poker machine in a location that will remain secret for obvious reasons. He wanted to take me out drinking tonight, but I wisely declined because of anniversary plans. Angry girlfriend trumps free bartab any day of the week, unless I had already been drinking.

That's it for today. Heading back to bed to watch Hell Comes to Frogtown and have delirious dreams.

JT out.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Ugh. Double Up! Ugh! Ugh!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009


Swag Bags

I know we've all heard the stories about the awesome bags of gifts that celebrities get backstage at events such as the Oscars, the Tonys, and the Erics. These bags, quite literally, are filled with thousands of dollars worth of merchandise. New tech toys, makeup products, fashion accessories and assorted other swag, most of which only these celebrities could afford in day-to-day life. I think Paris Hilton once got a unicorn. It boggles the mind. No wonder they're rich. They make twenty million per film, and then don't have to pay for anything. I could make that same financial plan work on less than $30k a year, and still not get caught out by the paparazzi flashing my naughty parts. Well, at least not by accident. I've always been envious of those bags (not Joan Rivers, the free stuff. ZING!)

I also always said that, professionally, people in purchasing had great jobs. I knew this because I was in sales. I can't tell you how many free gifts I took to purchasing agents over the past eight years. Everything ranging from a simple box of assorted candies, to tickets to special events, to transsexual Asian hookers. Never once did a purchasing agent show up in my little corner of the world with so much as a hamburger off of McDonald's dollar menu. Also, if they had, I would have assumed it was poisoned and given it to the office manager. Either way, it was a win. Not poison? The office manager got a free sandwich and maybe isn't such a bitch to ol' JT anymore. Poison burger? Dead bitchy office manager. I'm tricky like that. Keep in mind, I only have one receptionist in mind here, and it's not the one from my last job (Love you Alice!)

Well, my day has finally come. I'm set to star in my first feature film: Brokeblack Mounting It's, er, an "adult" film. I kid, I kid...I'm only an extra. Seriously, as most of you know from my incessant bitching and whining lately, I've started a new job (well, I'm in my third month, so maybe "started" is the wrong word.) I'm now part of the decision making process when it comes to purchasing. Both to maintain inventory levels and for selecting new product to carry. What does that mean, you may ask? It means that the Dread Ship Free Swag is finally sailing into my harbor, fat with plunder from foreign shores.

Perhaps not "fat with plunder," but I'm getting some pretty cool perks these days. I received free tickets to the World Beer Festival from my good friend and former boss Jeff at Carolina Craft Distributing. I also got to attend the International Food and Wine Festival recently. What am I looking forward to next? This Friday morning, Noah and I leave for the Charleston Food and Wine Festival. We're getting hotel rooms for two nights and passes for every day of the event from our dear, sweet Palmetto Distributing rep Esther!

This is just a small sampling of the rock star life I'm living these days. I've left out plenty - the open houses held by most of our vendors to showcase their facilities and products, having lunch with great winemakers and brewers, getting to hang out with my buddy Dr. Joel of New Holland Brewing, getting first dibs at amazing new products to take home and sample...and so much more that I won't name for fear of alienating you commoners.

The downside to all of this, of course, is that I have been noticably absent from these pages. I've been working as hard as I've been playing, and have not had much free time. For about a month, I was averaging spending no more than two nights a week with Melissa, and I have gone for an entire week without seeing my roommate. Still, my new job rocks, and I'm settling into a semi-regular routine, so expect more and more posts over the coming months.

In the Ferrari or Jaguar switchin' four lanes
With the top down, screamin' out
Money ain't a thang!

JT out.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?