I’ve got a new drinking game to play, kiddies. No, not one of these games where everyone has to drink every time you see someone wearing lederhosen. This one requires participants who don’t know they’re playing. It’s best played with a partner, but you can also play with yourself as long as you’re in a group setting (which if taken the wrong way can lead to either new friends or an arrest record). What you do is start out by loudly making a blatantly false statement, such as “My dad is Mark Twain!” See if anyone calls you out on it. If not, come up with something more preposterous, such as “I’m the Chinese kid who was run over by a tank in Tiananmen Square!” Note: To use this one, you must be very obviously not Asian. Keep this up until someone calls you out on it, or the bartender cuts you off. Just to help out, here are some other good ones:

“I invented the internal combustion engine!”
“I am the Lindbergh baby!”
“I was raised in the wild by a family of carnivorous rabbits!”
“I wrote the theme song for Back to the Future!”
“I was originally cast in the role of Marty McFly, but had to turn it down because of a prior obligation!”
“I coined the term ‘flux capacitor’!”
“Originally, the car in Back to the Future was going to be a Chevy Nova, the Delorean was my idea!”*
“I invented Spanish!”
“I know why the caged bird sings!”
“My name is Asher Lev!” **

*I realize there are a lot of Back to the Future references here, but let’s be honest – it’s the Casablanca of our generation.
**Jon Marsh can’t use this one, because people would believe him.
***First post to use footnotes!