Saturday, April 22, 2006



I know that it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. I could come up with plenty of great excuses. In fact, I think I will.
  • I’ve been traveling a lot for work.
  • Between getting the house ready to put up for sale and working all day, I’m too tired at night.
  • I had to have a rare hand-removal surgery done, making me unable to type (I got better)
  • I was kidnapped by Venezuelan thugs

    But the truth is, I’ve just been lazy. Also, I know that most of my posts have been life stories rather than the rants and observations I started out with. Sorry about that. I just felt the need to reinforce in everyone’s mind that I’m borderline retarded.

    I was watching TV this morning, and noticed something. Since cell phones aren’t nearly annoying, distracting and dangerous enough, some jackass decided that they should now also function as a jukebox. Now, when some teenage girl rear ends you (that sounds kind of hot) at a stoplight, it can be because she was yapping on her phone while also dancing. Awesome.

    Not annoyed enough by people answering their phones when you’re eating in a nice restaurant or at the movie theater? No worries! Now you can also listen to My Humps while dining on lobster tail and filet mignon. Thank God.

    I suspect that the genius behind this idea must be related to the genius that invented those hot air hand dryers in bathrooms. You know, the ones that don’t actually dry your hands at all? I especially like how they are supposed to be “environmentally friendly.” Can anyone explain to me how something that uses electricity, which is generated by burning fossil fuels, a non-renewable resource, is more green and crunchy than using two paper towels that come from trees that we can grow more of? Especially since, to actually dry your hands with that damn contraption (that sounds like something an angry old man would say,) you would have to keep running it for 94 consecutive minutes? I’m going to go take a nap.

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