I have apparently developed several split personalities. Three, to be exact. They used to blend together a bit more, but have recently become more pronounced.

There is Josh, the relatively normal, easygoing guy who likes to have fun. He’s been around my entire life, because that’s me, the base personality. He likes all kinds of music, drinking beer and hanging out with friends. He wants an early 70’s International Scout with a removable bimini top because it would be fun. Politically, Josh is an independent with Libertarian leanings.

Next up is Captain Responsible. I suspect he first showed up shortly after I cut all of my hair off in college. He listens to talk radio, shuns drinking during the week in favor of going to the gym, and wants to buy a four door sedan because it’s practical. Politically, Captain Responsible is somewhat of a Republican.

Finally is the newest personality, Mark. Mark hates Captain Responsible. A lot. Somehow, Mark is 2 years older than Josh. It doesn’t make much sense, but what does? Mark showed up shortly after I became newly single, and I have to guess he’ll be around for a bit. Mark likes to get completely sloshed off of Scotch, stay out all night, and doesn’t vote because it interferes with him doing nothing useful. He wants a motorcycle because they’re badass.

Luckily for me, Mark and Captain Responsible kind of balance each other out, so no one notices how truly nuts I am.

Author’s note: I originally wrote this a week ago, and just haven’t gotten around to posting it. I think I should mention two more things:
First, I have started talking about these personalities as if they were real. For instance, last night I told Avril that Mark and Captain Responsible argued about whether or not I could go see J’Ouvert play. Captain Responsible gave Mark permission under the condition that we only have one beer, since it was Tuesday. While at the bar, Mark tried to convince Captain Responsible that we could have two beers if we drank Coors Light, since that hardly counts as a beer. Captain Responsible was having none of it.

Second, Mark is Avril’s hero, and she really hates Captain Responsible.