Tuesday, August 01, 2006


Whips, Ninjas, and Aubrey, oh my!

So, I finally broke down and got a new car. The old one had developed some serious quirks with the electrical system, it was using oil, overheating easily, and there was a suspicious vibration that I suspected to be the universal joint. It also needed some minor body work and one of the rims was fairly bent. It would have cost more to repair all of these problems than the car was worth.

I test drove several cars, all of them sensible four-door sedans, and surprised myself by choosing a new Galant. Quite simply, it outperformed the Ford 500, which was my second choice. It was more responsive and had much better pickup. The only area that the 500 excelled in was trunk space. According to the sales rep, I could easily fit eight golf bags in the trunk. He didn’t have any response when I asked if I could fit eight people in the actual car.

Anyway, the point of this is that I’m actually driving a car that I enjoy driving again, which is awfully important since I’m on the road all the time for work. My Galant already has close to a thousand miles on it, and I just got it last Tuesday.

In the course of conversation with a cousin of mine, I mentioned I had a new car. I, being grossly uninformed and determinedly not hip, was corrected. What I have, my friends, is a new whip. No, I don’t know why a car is now called a whip, either. There seems to be very little correlation there. However, that did not stop Kyle, Compton and me from working the word “whip” into conversation approximately once every twelve seconds on Friday night. We also made up new slang words for a variety of household items, and Compton taught me some Italian, but I forgot all of the above.

On another note, Kyle is apparently a ninja. He caught a knife in midair that a drunken Compton threw at him to see if he was asleep. No, you don’t have to reread that last sentence. Compton threw a knife at Kyle to see if he was asleep. A sharp knife. And Kyle caught it, because he is a secret badass ninja.

Also, my friend Aubrey needs a job. She’s awesome, and you should help her if you can. Anyone who can’t help her get a job should at least buy a shirt from Weekly Tissue. Remember – all the cool kids are doing it.

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