I was talking to my friend Avril today, and she was wanting me to go find a TV so I could give her an update on Days of Our Lives. I just started making things up, and not only did she not believe me, she wasn’t amused. So, my dear readers, I give you a brief synopsis of what a soap opera would be like if I wrote it. Feel free to send donations in tribute to my genius.

The show opens up with He-Man killing Sebastian (disclaimer: there may or may not be anyone actually named Sebastian in Days of Our Lives. Once again, I refuse to do any research.) Then, Sebastian’s ghost comes back from the dead, and steals BattleCat from He-Man. Just when it seems like all is lost, P. Diddy shows up and banishes Sebastian back to Hell, saving BattleCat for He-Man.

Elsewhere, Michael Knight is minding his own business, when suddenly the A-Team shows up and steals KITT right out from under his nose. Face hops behind the wheel and takes off! Just when it looks like they’ll get away with it, Marty McFly shows up in the Delorean, and puts a stop to the shenanigans.

Marty and Mr. Kotter sit Michael Knight and the A-Team down and they agree, over beers, that both of their former TV shows were awesome and decide to go have a few beers with the Duke Boys at the Boar’s Nest to patch things up. When they get there, He-Man and P. Diddy are already there, performing the oh-so-def remix of It’s All About The Benjamins. The best part? Willie Nelson is behind the turntables, holding it down on the ones and twos.

Later, after the bar closes down and all of the moonshine is consumed, everyone goes outside and has a roman candle war. However, just before the show fades to black, we see an ominous shadow in the background…