Well, it’s that time of year again. No, not football season…no, I’m not talking about Halloween either. I’m talking about the SC State Fair. Ah, the fair. Upon entering, you’re greeted by the sights of swarms of teenagers (one third country, one third punk rock, one third gangsta,) dozens of mullets, and trillions of fanny packs. The smells are varied as well…vomit, assorted fried things, meat, and cattle.

The girlfriend and I went last Wednesday, and immediately started riding the most nauseating rides. After three or four of those, we decided to take it easy and ride something more calm, and made our way to the swings and then the chairlift that went over the entire fair. We then entered the most relaxing haunted house ever. I’m not sure who they were trying to scare, but it didn’t work. The only thing that kept me from getting bored and screaming out things like “Oh my God! My scrotum!” was that I thought there may be children behind us.

I’m not sure what I enjoy most – people watching, riding large steel contraptions that I fear were hastily assembled by carnies, or eating the food. Okay, I’m lying; I know I love the food more than anything else at the fair. The Fiske fries with vinegar, the fried mushrooms with spicy ranch sauce, chili cheese fries, polish sausages with onions and peppers…man, I’m getting hungry again.

However, there was a disturbing trend this year. There were way too many foods that resembled a phallus. And they were all on sticks with some sort of dipping sauce. The girlfriend and I termed them “Homoerotic Meat Sticks,” and had a bit of a competition to see who could spot the next one. There was the regular corn dog, the18-inch corn dog (that gave me a bit of a complex, to be honest,) something that I assumed to be teriyaki chicken or steak mounted on a stick, and the scariest, which looked like a pot roast on a stick. I’m also fairly certain there were others, but my mind has already blocked them from memory. Now if I could just stop thinking of the 18-inch corn dogs…