Tuesday, October 31, 2006


Thank You For Being a Friend

I know that a lot of people think Halloween is a children’s holiday. There are also the holy rollers that consider it evil, a bad influence on children that will make them devil-worshipping serial killers, or, worse…Democrats! Then, there are the sorority girls. These girls are nothing short of costume geniuses. The sheer creativity…sexy cat, sexy devil, sexy angel, sexy nurse, sexy schoolgirl, sexy cop, sexy plumber…you name it, they sex it up. I tried to pull off the sexy astronaut look one year, but it turned out poorly. Just one of the myriad reasons I was never in a sorority, I suppose.

I was especially excited about Halloween this year. You see, I was going to get to attend the unholiest of unholies…Kyle and Brett’s annual party. I had been married and living out of town for the previous ones, and judging from pictures and stories, I knew I had been missing out. Past themes have included “Dress as Your Favorite Shot” and “Sexual Euphemisms.” This year, the theme was “1980’s TV and Movie Characters.” This is not to be confused with a run-of-the-mill 80’s party where you wear leg warmers or a Member’s Only jacket and your costume is complete. This took some thought. It was also strongly encouraged not to pick anything too obvious (Miami Vice).

I declared that anyone who showed up just wearing 80’s clothes without an actual character in mind was to be punched in the face before entering the party. I also have a similar policy for anyone who drives a yellow car or truck. (If you are reading this and happen to be offended because you drive a yellow car or truck, don’t write me an angry email. Just back slowly away and be out of town before sundown. We don’t take kindly to your type around these parts.)

Kyle and I decided on what we thought to be the ultimate group costume, and set about recruiting members for it. We decided that we wanted it to be top secret until the last minute for full effect. Since Brett was involved in a couples costume and unable to assume a role in ours, we had to adopt a code name since he is Kyle’s roommate and would be around a great deal when we were planning. Thus, Operation: Florida was born. The most difficult part of getting the costumes just right was that none of us knew our dress size, since we are all straight males. I thought I was an 8 or a 10, but I was way off. I’m actually a 14, and that’s a bit of a tight fit. Next were the wigs. These proved a bit difficult as well, but we all managed to pull it off at the last minute. Now we were prepared to make our debut at the party…as The Golden Girls. Kyle was Sophia, Fayaz was Rose, Brian (aka the Evil Genius) was Dorothy, and I was Blanche. Yep, I was the slutty one. The best part of being Blanche was the ability to line my purse with plastic to keep ice and beer in there, so I never had to make a trip to the fridge. The worst part was that I make a truly ugly woman.

Other Halloween costumes included Mr. Miyagi and the Karate Kid (Brett and Jennie), Mr. Belvedere, Winston from the Ghost Busters, Rocky Balboa and his trainer (can’t recall the name), Slimer, Punky Brewster, Doogie Howser, Radar and Hot Lips from M.A.S.H., Smurfette, Mario (or was it Luigi?), the Hulk, 2 girls dressed as Jem (from Jem and the Holograms) and a few others that I have either forgotten or didn’t recognize. A special mention should go out to Julia and Aubrey, dressed as Batman and Robin, respectively. I don’t know for sure that they qualified as 80’s characters, but it was late when they got there, and the sexy Batman and Robin was a nice change of pace from sexy cat or sexy devil.

If you threw a party...
Invited everyone you knew,
You would see -
The biggest gift would be from me,
And the card attached would say
"Thank You for Being a Friend"

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