Thursday, November 09, 2006


My Profile Picture

My good friend The CDP (and by good friend, I mean a guy I’ve never met or spoken to that I communicate with about relatively unimportant topics via the interweb) remarked on my profile picture, so I thought I would tell the story behind it. I had just knocked over a liquor store and was heading for the border. Unfortunately, due to a poor grasp of geography, I headed for the Canadian border, which is significantly farther from South Carolina than the Mexican border. I didn’t make it, and I’m writing this from my holding cell while I try not to wake up my cellmate Tito.

In all actuality, the story is much less entertaining. I was wearing the wig in preparation for a Halloween party, and had just purchased the gun from Big Hook. Not just any gun, mind you, but a Ruger .44 Magnum Super BlackHawk. I am, to put it bluntly, completely infatuated with this gun. But I’m getting distracted again.

Right…had the wig for Halloween, and a new toy to boot. I decided that the best possible course of action was to drive around with the wig on while brandishing the gun. Mind you, I was completely sober at this point, as it was 2:30 in the afternoon. Not that I’ve never been drunk at that point in the day before, but this was during the week and technically, I was working. Big Hook happened to have his camera on hand to document the madness. Of course, being the supremely intelligent individual that I am, after paying Big Hook for the revolver I decided to go grab a bite to eat. I was hungry. Unfortunately, I forgot two important factors before I entered the drive through:

1. I was wearing a wig
2. I had a massive handgun on my passenger seat in plain view.

The girl at the window just laughed at me. Luckily, it was close to Halloween, so she probably did not realize it was a real gun. Otherwise I may have gone to jail that day.

That, boys and girls, is the story behind my profile pic.

Here’s my current dilemma: I can’t decide on a name for my gun. She needs a name. Post your idea in the comments section. I’ll come up with a prize later, since it’s not fair to my out-of-state and international readers to offer to buy a beer the next time I see them.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Isn't she beautiful?

Charlene. Her name should be Charlene.

By the way, I was a judge at a stand-up comedy competition on Wednesday, and it was sponsored by PBR. We got free PBR swag, including sweatbands and free drinks galore.
Wow. You are now officially one of the coolest people I've never actually met. Free PBR is my idea of what Heaven must be like.
Okay- So the Girlfriend (aka ME) has some ideas about the name for the gun...
"the mistress"
sugar tits
Ellie May
The Steel Extender
Miss Kitty
Just to get started. :)
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('Blog Spam;' a term coined by me. It even has its own Wikipedia entry. Seriously; inventing a term is the biggest impact I've had on the Interweb.)
Yeah, I used to have comment moderation to prevent this, but it was what was not allowing anyone to post. Damnit.
Magwood. It's a magnum. It has wood grips. Magwood. You wake up every morning with magical, maj(g)estic, magnum sized wood knowing you have a "gun" that big. Magwood. Can a gun shoot through a 5/8" steel plate? A .44 MAG WOOD.
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