My good friend The CDP (and by good friend, I mean a guy I’ve never met or spoken to that I communicate with about relatively unimportant topics via the interweb) remarked on my profile picture, so I thought I would tell the story behind it. I had just knocked over a liquor store and was heading for the border. Unfortunately, due to a poor grasp of geography, I headed for the Canadian border, which is significantly farther from South Carolina than the Mexican border. I didn’t make it, and I’m writing this from my holding cell while I try not to wake up my cellmate Tito.

In all actuality, the story is much less entertaining. I was wearing the wig in preparation for a Halloween party, and had just purchased the gun from Big Hook. Not just any gun, mind you, but a Ruger .44 Magnum Super BlackHawk. I am, to put it bluntly, completely infatuated with this gun. But I’m getting distracted again.

Right…had the wig for Halloween, and a new toy to boot. I decided that the best possible course of action was to drive around with the wig on while brandishing the gun. Mind you, I was completely sober at this point, as it was 2:30 in the afternoon. Not that I’ve never been drunk at that point in the day before, but this was during the week and technically, I was working. Big Hook happened to have his camera on hand to document the madness. Of course, being the supremely intelligent individual that I am, after paying Big Hook for the revolver I decided to go grab a bite to eat. I was hungry. Unfortunately, I forgot two important factors before I entered the drive through:

1. I was wearing a wig
2. I had a massive handgun on my passenger seat in plain view.

The girl at the window just laughed at me. Luckily, it was close to Halloween, so she probably did not realize it was a real gun. Otherwise I may have gone to jail that day.

That, boys and girls, is the story behind my profile pic.

Here’s my current dilemma: I can’t decide on a name for my gun. She needs a name. Post your idea in the comments section. I’ll come up with a prize later, since it’s not fair to my out-of-state and international readers to offer to buy a beer the next time I see them.


Isn't she beautiful?