I completely stole this idea for a post from someone else’s blog that I stumbled across this morning, and I would ordinarily give credit where credit was due, but I can’t find it again. So, if you happen to be reading this and know from whence it came, drop me a line so I can properly link to it.

Update: Kenny was kind enough to point me in the right direction. Here's how this worked: bored at the office, check out CDP, check the other sites in his network, which Kenny is a member of, then jumped from her site to The Hot Librarian site that the rider came from. Gracias, Kenny, and don't be a stranger!

I’m sure most of you have seen the riders that big name celebrities have attached to their contracts. You know, the list of items that must be present in their dressing rooms, list of items that must not be present, and various other conditions set forth. Here, without further ado, is what my rider would look like if I was a rock star instead of a salesman (salesmen don’t get riders, nor do we have dressing rooms).

• Four cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon, chilled. Two cases should be cans, two cases should be bottles. Longnecks, not stubbies.

• A 12-pack of Miller High Life, also chilled, in case Epat or Heimlich stops by. Also, because I think the label is pretty.

• An old-school NES, with the following game cartridges: R.C. Pro-Am, Rygar, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Double Dragon, and Super Mario Brothers 2.

• The following DVDs: Shaft (the original one with Richard Roundtree), Super Troopers, Monty Python’s Holy Grail, and Hell Comes to Frogtown.

• Funyuns. Bags upon bags of Funyuns.

• Puppies, preferably lab mixes.

• A cell phone charger, since I always forget mine.

• A magician, a juggler, and a clown (preferably one that can make balloon animals). Also, these three must be willing to drink heavily.

• Someone with a funny accent (not French, I said funny, not annoying.) Note: this can be the magician or the juggler, but not the clown. Clowns with accents scare me.

• An air hockey table (if one is not readily available, a foosball table is acceptable)

• 3 pounds of Skittles

Feel free to drop me a note in the comments with your rider, or to suggest additions to mine.