Tuesday, November 07, 2006

 

Turkey N' Tailgate

My second favorite holiday of the year behind us, it’s time to start gearing up for my favorite: Thanksgiving. You know why I love Thanksgiving so much? Because, in my mind, it heralds the day when honest, God-fearing white people started running things in this country. I get chills when I think of the ingenuity of trading liquor and glass trinkets for valuable real estate, or using smallpox infested blankets to kill off those who weren’t willing to play along. Truly, the Pilgrims were the frontrunners of Corporate America as we know it.

Actually, I love Thanksgiving because of the food. I was kidding about all the white people stuff. I don’t even like white people that much. Not as much as I like turkey, anyway. Of course, in all fairness, turkey is #3 on my likes list, behind PBR and Clemson football. However, unless the coaching staff steps it up (I’m talking to you, Bowden and Spence!), turkey may soon take the #2 spot. White people are #18.

I don’t mean just any turkey, though. I mean a deep fried turkey with a dry Cajun rub and my own secret injection (keep your minds out of the gutter, people). I only fry turkeys a couple of times a year, usually at my annual Turkey N’ Tailgate party (now entering year 3!), and Christmas Eve at my aunt’s house. I deep fry two turkeys, supply a limited amount of booze, and everyone else brings a side dish and more booze. There will be plenty of appetizers on hand, as well, since a lot of people show up early to watch football. I 'll have multiple TVs set up throughout the house so everyone can watch whatever game they want. We also usually have a beer pong tournament and various other games going throughout the day. In case you’re alarmed at the amount of alcohol we consume, I should mention that most people crash at the house afterwards. By the way, if you’re reading this and want to come to the party, email me for details. Unless you’re a crazy internet stalker. In that case, you already know where I live, just stop on by next Saturday!

We all eat until we can’t move, drink until we’re out of beer, and then make another beer run to the store. Finally, for good measure, I spike the “non-alcoholic” cider and/or hot chocolate. That way, if we’re not all passing out from a turkey overdose, we’re passing out drunk. Either way, my pants are coming off.

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