Remember a couple of weeks back, when I was talking about how I was slowing down and not staying out until 4:30 in the morning? I wish I had kept up with that slower pace. It is now 4:11 PM on Saturday afternoon, and I’m just beginning to feel human again. Barely.

My friend Kyle has become tired of paying rent. I also am tired of paying rent, and was considering moving into a tent under an overpass as an alternative. Luckily, Kyle is smarter than I am, and hit upon a more ingenious solution: we should buy an older house together, fix it up, and sell it after a couple of years to become instant billionaires. I am assuming there is buried pirate treasure on the property somewhere. (I know everyone is wondering what this has to do with the mother of all hangovers, just bear with me…I’m easily distracted and still a bit fuzzy in the brain, so I’m rambling a bit.)

Last night started out innocently enough. (How’s that for foreshadowing?) After leaving the office, I stopped in a Goatfeather’s to have a quick beer and visit my friend Joye. From there, Kyle and I went over to look at a house we are considering buying from some friends of ours, Brian and Sara. We cooked hamburgers and Brian attempted to get us drunk and up the asking price. It worked. In fact, we agreed to buy the house and continue to let them live there for free. We’re also going to groom their dogs and cook for them nightly.

In all actuality, we all came to an agreement, and then Kyle and I got intelligent and decided to go back to Goatfeather’s. Which would have been fine, if we hadn’t let Joye talk us into going out to Art Bar after her shift ended. This is where the night got interesting. (Insert sinister sounding music here, followed by maniacal laughter.) I don’t know what is about Art Bar, but I can never find it. It doesn’t move, and I’ve been there multiple times, but I can never quite remember where it is. Regardless, Kyle and I went and hung out with Joye and some of her coworkers, whom I’ve written about before. We left at about 4:30 and headed back to Kyle’s house, where I slept on his futon, which makes this weekend automatically qualify as a great weekend.

I woke up around 10:30, and headed home, where I lay down and slept until 2:00. I’m too old for this. Also, I bought circus tickets last night, which should make for an interesting post on Monday, since I’m planning to smuggle a flask in.

To review:

1.Kyle and I are buying a house.
2.I’m hungover.
3.I’m going to the circus.
4.Joye is the devil.
5.Kyle is a leprechaun.

Have a great weekend, kids, and fill me in on your misadventures in the comments section.
Word to your moms.

***Update: I had forgotten about this until Kyle reminded me: I lost the dumbest bet I've ever made Friday night. I bet Brian $5 I could eat an entire grapefruit before he could finish chugging a beer. What made me think I could master the citrus faster than he could down a beer? We may never know...