...well, other than the money to pay my bills and mortgage.

I really have to come up with some fresh material. I know these overheard bits and pieces of conversation have to be wearing a bit thin. I have the distinct feeling that Halloween tonight, and my rager of a Halloween Hellraiser this weekend will provide some fodder for Spork Nation, or at the very least, inappropriate photographs.

JT: Robert just touched my ass!
Robert: I did not, I was pushed into it. It was accidental hand-to-ass contact!
Brian: Doesn't matter. It's very similar to a roughing the kicker penalty. Even if you were blocked into the kicker, you still have to pay the penalty.
Robert: What's the penalty?
Brian: (hands me a beer) You just bought Josh a beer.
JT: Damn, I love this place.


Robert: Hey! Do we deliver to P.T.'s Cabaret?
JT: We should, it's in our delivery range, right down Harden Street.
(Robert finishes up taking the phone order and brings the ticket into the kitchen. Mo starts giggling uncontrollably.)
Robert: What the hell is so funny?
Mo: P.T.'s Cabaret is a gay bar.
Robert: So?
Mo: The delivery instructions say "Use back door only!"
Pandemonium ensues.


On $1.00 Bud and Bud Light night
Drunk Frat Boy: Give me a Bud Light.
Moses: We're all out of the dollar beers.
Drunk Frat Boy: Okay, I'll have a Budweiser then.
Moses: We're all out of the dollar beers. Bud Light and Bud.
Drunk Frat Boy: Do you have any other beers for a dollar?
Moses: Nope, we're all out of the dollar beers. All both of them.
Drunk Frat Boy: How much is a Miller Lite?
Moses: $2.50. All of our domestics are $2.50.
Drunk Frat Boy: How much is a Coors Light?
Moses: $2.50. All of our domestics are $2.50.
Drunk Frat Boy: How much is a Michelob Light?
Moses: Who's on first?
Drunk Frat Boy: Huh?
Moses: You're cut off.


It's Sunday night. The Sox have swept the World Series. The Village Idiot, being the Red Sox bar of Columbia, is full of loud, boisterous drunks. Myself included.

Drunken Giant: (After watching Liz fall backwards off of her barstool, and rise back up laughing her ass off) Do you need training wheels for that thing?


We're cleaning up the bar, getting ready to lock up. Liz throws a stack of shot cups towards the trash can. They hit the front rim and bounce towards me, hitting me in the crotch, then rebounding into the trash can.
Liz: Liz shoots, Josh's dick with the assist!
JT: Damnit. Even my dick is better than me at basketball.

Happy Halloween, kids! Have fun tonight, and remember: crazy people put razorblades in apples.

JT out.