And the alarm gives out a warning
And I don't think I ever make it on time
By the time I grab my books
And I give myself a look
I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by
It's alright 'cause I'm saved by the bell

A miraculous thing happened to me Sunday morning, which I desperately needed (well, honestly, a miraculous thing happened to me Saturday night after the game, but a gentleman never kisses and tells.) I'll get back to that soon (Sunday morning, not Saturday night, you sick pervs.) For now, let me vent my frustrations with Clemson football (or the lack thereof.)

After all of the hype, it turns out that Tommy Bowden is still a failure as a head coach. I've been calling for his head for three years, and after we allowed the Crimson Tide to not only bind and gag us, but also put it in our ass with no lube, it hurt. We even let them slap us and make our mascara run. I would have to say that this year will not change my opinion of Tammy.

Don't get me wrong. As a person, ol' Tammy is great. I have personally waited on him in a restaurant when I was in college. He was the picture of grace, and his wife and children were very sweet and polite. Anyone want to guess what that means? Not a goddamn thing when you're making over six figures as a football coach. I'm also a nice guy, and if I had kids, I would like to think they wouldn't be terrors. Want to guess what kind of head ball coach salary I currently bring in? I'll give you a hint: zero, about what Tammy deserves.

'Bama ran us up and down the field. Our offensive line was barely even laughable, and our special teams lived up to the name "special" like no other. Corky could have blocked more tackles than they did. Sweet Jesus, it was horrendous. Our defense held as long as they could, but with Bama's offense lighting up the field every two minutes, they got tired. Hell, I got tired just watching them. I was in a foul, foul mood whan I went to bed last night.

But when I woke up today and walked into my living room, I was confronted by a wonderful vision: Saved by the Bell, the board game. I immediately called as many people as I could and started up a tournament, loser buys beer. After several fierce rounds, in which I scored dates with both Zach and Slater, I emerged victorious. That's right: I am currently undefeated on the board. Trivia questions? Shit. I got that. Detention? No detention hall can hold me, bitch. Gay-Drew, the Cap'n and I had a hell of a day today. This type of alcohol-driven silliness was just what I needed.

If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess
And my dog ate all my homework last night
Right alone in my chair
She won't know that I'm there
If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be alright
It's alright 'cause I'm saved by the bell


Maybe next week will be better...I hope your teams performed better than mine did.

JT out.