I'm going to try something new here, somewhat akin to "The Idiot Speaks" posts I used to do when I served my time working at the Village Idiot in 5 Points. I'm going to start blatantly screwing with salespeople and writing about it. I know this may seem cruel, since I was a salesman for almost 8 years, but there is a difference. I will only be screwing with 2 types of salespeople: door-to-door types, and telemarketers. I fell like they are fair game since they call on people in their homes during non-business hours, often after being repeatedly told that said individuals are not interested. They promise that they "just need to set meetings for a quota," and then attempt high-pressure guilt sales before being forcibly ejected from homes.

To start with, my good friend Jenny just sent me an email, apologizing because she gave my name and number to a Cutco rep who will be calling me in the next few days to set up an appointment for me to see and potentially purchase her knives. I will try to dissuade her, explaining that I have neither the inclination or money for such purchases. However, if she insists on making a meeting happen, it will be fun.

After her presentation of her knife collection, I will insist I show her my collection, which is also available for purchase. It will consist of everyday household items, sharpened into prison-style shanks. I may even dirty one or two of them up to make them appear used. The prices will all be quoted to her in Italian Lira, and all be outrageous.

Then, I will ask her a series of shady questions, such as "Hypothetically, which knives would serve me best for dismembering a corpse?" and "These aren't traceable by some type of serial number, are they?"

Leave suggestions for other ways to screw with her in the comments section.

JT out.