I know I've mentioned this before, but I feel that I must add to it. I saw the strangest driving phenomena I've ever seen today. As some of you may know from watching the news, the East Coast is in for a hell of a storm. In fact, one person has been killed and four others injured as a result of the high winds in South Carolina. Please keep in mind that I am not taking this lightly, and I feel for those who have been adversely affected by this weather system.

However, that does not give people the right to be complete idiots when driving. On my way home this afternoon from the bar where I work, people were hitting their brakes every time the wind gusted. Since the wind was gusting several times per minute, this resulted in traffic slowing to barely more than a crawl. Every time we would start to move, the wind would gust, and forty right feet hit the brake pedal, resulting in me creating new expletives and questioning if South Carolina is more filled with inbreeding than West Virginia or Kentucky, perhaps more than both combined. In truth, I think the news reports were scaring people more than the actual wind, as it wasn't really gusting all that hard. I drive a mid-sze car, and I felt completely safe...other than worrying that I was about to start killing the drivers in front of me, which could have resulted in me being made a prison bitch by someone named Tito. I'm too pretty to go to jail.

Sometimes I wish I worked at the DMV. There would be a lot fewer morons with drivers licenses if I was in charge. I would automatically fail anyone who committed one of the following offenses:

• Driving slowly in the left lane
• Driving slowly in the middle lane (if the road has three or more lanes)
• Tailgating someone who does not currently have the opportunity to move over to let you pass
• Stopping at a yellow light
• Blatantly running a red light and holding up cross traffic. You're not more important than me, jackass.
• Blocking an intersection because you failed to notice that traffic ahead was stopped and there was no way you would get through before the other light turned green.
• Driving a yellow car
• Driving any type of incredibly fancy four-wheel-drive vehicle that you will never, never, ever take off roads or into the woods. Buy a car, asshole. If you need to carry lots of kids around, may I suggest a minivan or station wagon?

Whew. I feel much better now. Thanks for listening to me rant, folks. Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend! If you have any additional traffic offenses that get to you, add them in the comments section.

JT out.